Letting Go

It has been a really rough week. I definitely don't feel like myself. I have no energy and have been struggling even to play with my kids. I find myself just wanting to sit on the couch. Kids are good at not allowing that, though...definitely can be a good thing. I know that sitting around wallowing and moaping will not change things for me (and probably will just result in gaining a few pounds which will only make me feel worse). I feel so depressed that my entire body even aches...

Ben and I found out that we were expecting again a few weeks back, which would make me just over 10 weeks now. Being that we weren't planning for this baby and have a (almost) 3 year old and a 15 month old, I was somewhat upset at first. But, babies have a way of endearing themselves to you, long before they are born. Quite soon, both Ben and I were excited about the idea of another child, perhaps a boy this time.

However, I had a dr's appt on Monday and because I wasn't sure of my dates, they did an ultrasound...and it doesn't look good. It looks like another blighted ovum...just like our first pregnancy. Many of you who read this have been down that road before (some more than others and my heart goes out to you). My blood tests have looked good and I have a repeat ultrasound on Monday (which just happens to be Savannah's birthday). I am not going to get my hopes up, because then it will hurt even more. Letting go is the hardest part...