His Mercies are New Every Morning

I am so thankful that this is true! Yes, we did officially miscarry but I can feel his loving arms around me and I am ready to turn the page and see what God has planned for us this year. I felt like my life was on hold for 6 weeks while I waited. It truly feel like we have reached a springtime chapter of new beginnings in our life.

More wait and see

Well, today I had my 3rd U/S. This time they sent me to the hospital to do a more in depth u/s because nothing is conclusive one way or the other. My u/s yesterday showed something in the sac and an umblical cord. Today we saw a small fetal pole, but no heartbeat. Either my dates are way off (which I can't imagine...I'm one of those fertility friend women!) or I just have to wait to naturally miscarry. My HCG (pregnancy hormone) numbers keep rising and my pg sx keep getting worse. I really just want to know one way or the other. I don't want to remain too hopeful, because then it just hurts worse.

Once again, we hope to get to close on our house this week. The appraisal came in less than our offer price, so we had to get the bank to accept a lower price because it was a foreclosure. It has been a mess! We were supposed ot have closed on the 18th. I really hope it happens soon, because between that mess and the pregnant/miscarry mess I am ready to commit myself!!

Letting Go

It has been a really rough week. I definitely don't feel like myself. I have no energy and have been struggling even to play with my kids. I find myself just wanting to sit on the couch. Kids are good at not allowing that, though...definitely can be a good thing. I know that sitting around wallowing and moaping will not change things for me (and probably will just result in gaining a few pounds which will only make me feel worse). I feel so depressed that my entire body even aches...

Ben and I found out that we were expecting again a few weeks back, which would make me just over 10 weeks now. Being that we weren't planning for this baby and have a (almost) 3 year old and a 15 month old, I was somewhat upset at first. But, babies have a way of endearing themselves to you, long before they are born. Quite soon, both Ben and I were excited about the idea of another child, perhaps a boy this time.

However, I had a dr's appt on Monday and because I wasn't sure of my dates, they did an ultrasound...and it doesn't look good. It looks like another blighted ovum...just like our first pregnancy. Many of you who read this have been down that road before (some more than others and my heart goes out to you). My blood tests have looked good and I have a repeat ultrasound on Monday (which just happens to be Savannah's birthday). I am not going to get my hopes up, because then it will hurt even more. Letting go is the hardest part...

What is UP with sizes?

As I was digging through my closet this morning trying to decide what to wear, I realized that I have 3 different sizes of clothing in my closet...and they ALL fit me. So, obviously, it would be nice if they made sizes universal, although I have also realized that I like some manufacturers better because of things. At the Gap, I wear a size 6, so they are definitely a well-liked company. Come on ladies, what mother of 2 doesn't like to still wear a 6. Smart thinking by the Gap, because I will spend more money. However, at Express, I wear a size 10...not as good. So, considering how silly we women are...who do you think will get more money from me!?! Hmmm...

Where do we keep the crowns, honey?

When you have only female children, life is a little different than when there is a mix. Our niece, Haylee (Julie's 9 year-old daughter) was over the other night and came wearing her tiara. Whenever she is over, she and Savannah have to wear the princess costumes. Savannah puts on the Sleeping Beauty costume and Haylee dons the bridesmaid dress (which surprisingly fits her considering it is from our wedding 4+ years ago...). Ben is helping Savannh put her dress on and talking to me over the monitor. Suddenly it gets quiet and then I hear drawers opening and closing. They he says, "Honey, where do we keep the crowns?"

My mom was downstairs with me and she and I both started laughing. It was funny because he asked it like you would say "honey, where's the toothpaste?"

Why do I complain?

In church this morning, the pastor was talking about persecution in churches in Sri Lanka and all that those Christians go through. For me, it really hit home and reminded me just how easy I really do have it. I have been grumbling because we have to continue to pay mortgage payments along with rent payments. Why am I grumbling? At least we can afford to do this without any hardship! I am free to worship how I please. I am free to read my Bible in private and public places and teach my children about Jesus. I guess what I am saying also, is that most people in America don't have the first clue what persecution looks like, but we are the whiniest country in the world. Ok, off of my soapbox!

We finished putting up our Christmas decorations yesterday and instead of going all out, I just decided to simplify. Honestly, other than the tree, Nativity, and a few candles (well and the entire Kohls Christmas village on top of my cabinets...) what more do you need?? We are, once again, hosting Thanksgiving at our house. My mom thinks that I am very organized and that my house is always super clean so it would be easier to have here. Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mom! Well, I do enjoy hosting parties and get togethers. The more the merrier!

Thinking Christmas

Well, it has struck me earlier than usual this year. A few weeks ago, I came down with visionsofsugarplumsitis...a dangerous virus also known as "let's put up the Christmas tree and lights honey." I have been combing through my Southern Living Christmas books and am ready to deck the halls (and everything in between...he he he). Maybe it is because we have had a fairly lousy Christmas the last 2 years or maybe it is just because I am me and love Christmas! I have already been making Ben watch Christmas movies...even before Halloween I confess! Most of my Christmas shopping is done and I plan to start wrapping it this week. I am organizing my recipes and have sorted my Christmas totes and boxes....I discovered that I have 16 storage containers of Christmas stuff. Maybe my logical thinking is that if I put up my Christmas stuff, I can fit my car in the garage!?! Ah, y'all know me better then that! I just love the holidays. The only thing missing this year is so many of you who read this! I know it is oversaid and overdone, but you really are in my thoughts and prayers all the time!

Hmmm...makes me think again...what are y'all (I just LOVE South Carolina!) doing to make your Christmas magical this year? Savannah is so cute...she told me I have to make a special "Happy Birthday" cake for Jesus this year. Her request!?! Cinderella's castle of course... She has the sweetest prayers. We had some of our non-Christian family over for dinner the other night and she prayed before dinner and said "thank you Jesus that you love Uncle Tom and Aunt Julie (everybody around the table and the cat...)....and please help me to be a good girl and be nice to Caroline. I just love a 2 year old's prayers!

We celebrated Caroline's 1st birthday yesterday. I will post pictures later. She is so funny. She did NOT want anything to do with her cake. She only wanted her mixed veggies! Eeeww mommy chocolate cake!?! I only like carrots and peas!

So, since this is really rambling, I need to go. I wish I could see, hold, and borrow (maybe it will rid me of the I want another baby feeling) all of your new babies!!