Well, today I had my 3rd U/S. This time they sent me to the hospital to do a more in depth u/s because nothing is conclusive one way or the other. My u/s yesterday showed something in the sac and an umblical cord. Today we saw a small fetal pole, but no heartbeat. Either my dates are way off (which I can't imagine...I'm one of those fertility friend women!) or I just have to wait to naturally miscarry. My HCG (pregnancy hormone) numbers keep rising and my pg sx keep getting worse. I really just want to know one way or the other. I don't want to remain too hopeful, because then it just hurts worse.
Once again, we hope to get to close on our house this week. The appraisal came in less than our offer price, so we had to get the bank to accept a lower price because it was a foreclosure. It has been a mess! We were supposed ot have closed on the 18th. I really hope it happens soon, because between that mess and the pregnant/miscarry mess I am ready to commit myself!!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
Letting Go
It has been a really rough week. I definitely don't feel like myself. I have no energy and have been struggling even to play with my kids. I find myself just wanting to sit on the couch. Kids are good at not allowing that, though...definitely can be a good thing. I know that sitting around wallowing and moaping will not change things for me (and probably will just result in gaining a few pounds which will only make me feel worse). I feel so depressed that my entire body even aches...
Ben and I found out that we were expecting again a few weeks back, which would make me just over 10 weeks now. Being that we weren't planning for this baby and have a (almost) 3 year old and a 15 month old, I was somewhat upset at first. But, babies have a way of endearing themselves to you, long before they are born. Quite soon, both Ben and I were excited about the idea of another child, perhaps a boy this time.
However, I had a dr's appt on Monday and because I wasn't sure of my dates, they did an ultrasound...and it doesn't look good. It looks like another blighted ovum...just like our first pregnancy. Many of you who read this have been down that road before (some more than others and my heart goes out to you). My blood tests have looked good and I have a repeat ultrasound on Monday (which just happens to be Savannah's birthday). I am not going to get my hopes up, because then it will hurt even more. Letting go is the hardest part...
Ben and I found out that we were expecting again a few weeks back, which would make me just over 10 weeks now. Being that we weren't planning for this baby and have a (almost) 3 year old and a 15 month old, I was somewhat upset at first. But, babies have a way of endearing themselves to you, long before they are born. Quite soon, both Ben and I were excited about the idea of another child, perhaps a boy this time.
However, I had a dr's appt on Monday and because I wasn't sure of my dates, they did an ultrasound...and it doesn't look good. It looks like another blighted ovum...just like our first pregnancy. Many of you who read this have been down that road before (some more than others and my heart goes out to you). My blood tests have looked good and I have a repeat ultrasound on Monday (which just happens to be Savannah's birthday). I am not going to get my hopes up, because then it will hurt even more. Letting go is the hardest part...
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